I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
