Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
