I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
