I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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