Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
