I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
