After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
