I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
