i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
