have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
