We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
