I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
