drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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