For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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