**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
