My girlfriend figured out who you are.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
