Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
