I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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