AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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