I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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