but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
