you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
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