He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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