THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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