Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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