if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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