i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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