she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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