Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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