it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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