it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Randomize
