I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
