We won't sleep together?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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