fuck your aforementioned shoe
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
