I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
