420 ftw
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
