you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
