So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
