He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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