Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
