This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
