were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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