I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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