I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
