I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize