So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
