i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
