dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
