So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
