I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
